"I cannot stand and sing the anthem. I cannot salute the flag. I know that I am a black man in a white world. I never had it made."Jackie Robinson*
On Veteran's Day, it's hard not empathize with that sentiment as a transgendered soldier. Americans are quick to embrace soldiers in general; I have had at least four meals bought and paid for by complete strangers just because I was eating in uniform and they wanted to do something to express their appreciation, in each case anonymously, and I can't count the number of times I have been out in uniform and a complete stranger has stopped me to thank me for my service.
But I know that love is highly conditional. Americans are happy to have me in Iraq risking my life for this mission as long as I fit into traditional gender roles. But if I were to come out and tell the world who I really am, that love would vanish in a heartbeat. The military considers being transgendered a deviant condition that renders one unfit to serve. Were I to come out, I would be discharged, probably not even receiving an honorable discharge for my decades of service. I certainly would not be permitted to continue my service while I transitioned, even though the military is already short on officers and I have plenty left to offer my country.
No thanks, says my country. We want your service, but not at the cost of recognizing who you are. We'd rather do without than have to face any threats to our notions of gender.
It's a good thing to fight for the rights of others. But sometimes I'd like to know when I get to fight for my own.
* No, I'm not trying to appropriate Jackie Robinson for the transgendered cause, nor to suggest that what TGs face is the same as what blacks had to and have to deal with in America every day. But I can sympathize with what Robinson was saying when he alluded to the pain he had to deal with every day of his life in spite of his great accomplishments.
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